Since my Dad passed away a week ago today, I've been doing a lot of research and a lot of reading about death, grief, and healing. My friend Michelle, suggested that I keep a grief journal, and I thought it was a great idea. I haven't really been in the mood to pick up a pen and write lately, either out of laziness or frustration, but I do love to type, so I figured a blog would be the perfect way for me to express my feelings.
Even though my Dad's death was imminent, and I was there with him when he passed away, part of me still finds it hard to believe that he's really gone. At his viewing on Friday, it was so surreal to see him lying in the casket, that my mind tricked me into believing that he was just a wax figure. His funeral is all a blur... I mean, I remember bits and pieces, but at the time, it didn't really feel like it was happening to me. I felt like I was just an actress in a movie, playing the part of the mourning daughter. It was all too much for my brain to absorb.
Yesterday, my step-mom gave me a shoe box full of every card and every letter I've ever given to my Dad. I was reading a letter that I wrote when I was 8, and it read, "Dear Daddy, I love you more than the whole world and all the houses in it." That pretty much sums up the way I felt for him my whole life. And even though I believe in Heaven, and I believe that I'll see him again, I still selfishly miss my Daddy.
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