"It Will Come In Waves"

I think Dr. Murphy, our dear friend, said it best when he told me that my emotions would come in waves. Some days, or even moments, may seem considerably easier or harder than others, rather than a constant increase or decrease of emotions. Yesterday was a tsunami for me. Everything seemed to remind me of my Dad... cologne... food... music... you name it. My sadness turned into anger, my anger turned into insomnia, and when I finally did fall asleep, I had nightmares about volcanoes all around me. I very, very rarely had nightmares before my Dad passed away, but have been having terrible nightmares recently. I dream about falling, sinking, and my least favorite, natural disasters. I used to have a dream book, and all of these dreams represent the feeling of helplessness and the fear of not being in control. I've also had this weird desire to keep the house spotless... again, just so that I feel in control of something in my life. I guess I was pretty naive to have thought that I was handling things so well in the beginning, and that things would only get easier from there. I couldn't have been more wrong. I just have to ride this wave out, knowing that things will calm down again soon.